Bless Her Heart. What that really means.

Growing up in the South, whenever I heard someone say that about someone else, “Bless Her Heart!”, I learned they weren’t really blessing anybody’s anything.

It was usually said in some form of judgment or as a condescending remark, which could actually be translated as, “Ugh. She is SUCH an idiot!”

As a kid, hearing that, could be so confusing.  The words and the tone of voice did not match. It’s like people who smile when they are just about to do the big ugly cry.

As women, we are often taught to do the opposite of what we are feeling.  Call it being a good girl or call it what it really is—-damned uncomfortable.

Like perpetually walking through life, wearing our shoes on the wrong feet.

I found out, in the course of my own personal therapy, and through taking multiple courses in the field of personal growth that THIS one thing—-showing up/doing/saying exactly the opposite of what we are feeling—is one of the single most insidious things that deeply destroys our sense of self, on a daily basis.

It is like feeding some kind of inner sour dough starter, with the yeast of “never enough”, always on the rise. It increases our sense of deficiency.  It creates a wedge between our authentic self and our real soul-level self.  The effect of which diminishes our ability to trust anyone……most of all,  ourselves.

Take heart and be kind, if this is where you find yourself.  There is a way out to something much more life affirming.

The best way to begin to trust ourselves and course correct this kind of incongruence is to learn more about our natural, God-given talents.  The more we are aware of our basic strengths and focus on those—-activating them in our every day lives, the less we will do the opposite of what we are truly feeling.

There is no way to feel strong AND weak at the same time. So, think of truly blessing your own heart by seeing all that you truly are, so that your YES’s can mean YES and your NO’s can mean NO.  The only thing rising then, will be your self esteem.



One Response to “Bless Her Heart. What that really means.”

  1. Gail Larsen says:

    Good reminder, Peggy, that when words and voice tone, or words and expression, don’t align, our communications won’t land. A kid will be confused, an adult will believe voice tone and expression over the words. (That’s why pharmaceutical ads, despite the dire warnings of potential side effects, keep selling with imagery and upbeat voice tone!) T

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