Mastering Love: The power of apologizing well.

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There’s an art to everything.  Even apologizing.

Most of us don’t do it too well.  But we certainly DO KNOW the rush of love and relief, when the air is cleared by a sincere apology that hits home with us from soneone else. 

Several years ago, Dr. Gary Chapman, wrote a book called The Five Love Languages.  In it, he identified clearly, that we all experience love in different ways.  Your husband may think because he “shows up every night” it should be enough for you to know that he loves you.  Or, the fact that he faithfully takes out the trash every Thursday is an act of award-winning love. Really, he thinks that you are purring on the inside.

Chapman created 5 key identifiers, allowing us to learn about which of these things actually top our list of feeling loved……so that we could become more self-aware of the core emotional centers driving our lives.  Sharing these things with the ones we love—-creates a clearly defined road map for our loved ones.  Now, they can actually do the things that will reinforce and continually refresh, a loving relationship. 

WOW.  Revolutionary. To be loved in the way that makes us feel most loved.  Asking for what we want, out of a core clarity.  Without judging ourselves or otherss

The same goes for apologies.  There is a language that works for each of us.  Chapman has identified what feels right to each of us in the same way.  Some people are fine with an “UH-OH, I shouldn’t have done that.” 

Others deeply need for us to accept responsibility for our actions.  Still others need “the genuine sorry + accepting responsibiity + please forgive me + what could I do to make this up to you?”  There is no judgment here.  It’s just a matter of preference.

But, make no mistake about it.  If our apology does not feel like an apology to the other person, we might as well save our breath.

So, if you need help, making an apology……or if you need clarity in helping someone else…..make the apology that truly works for you…….there’s specific help online and it’s free.

Go to www.5LoveLanguages.com and take both free assessments.  One is offered for Love Languages and the other is for the Language of Apologies. 

Your eyes will be opened to new ways to express and receive love; and to make amends in a way that’s powerful and lasting.

Here’s to Your Happy Heart.  Happy Valentine’s Day.

One Response to “Mastering Love: The power of apologizing well.”

  1. Good Morning, Peggy…Happy Marriage Week!

    Thank you for this heart-felt piece. An ex-client from England gave us a hard-bound copy on our wedding day in 2001. I’ve been using them with couples ever since.

    My Dinner Date with Heather and Jack event to help Prep for Valentine’s Day at the Kitchen Cafe was just lovely. A small start to acknowledging National Marriage Week. And, of course, the first thing I chose to do was The 5 Love Languages!

    Yesterday I did my 14th “Intro to the Enneagram” for Army families for one of the Yellow Ribbon conferences. This one was a small group in Nashville and it was one of those where they easily engaged and had fun. One of the other presenters, Kim Olver, had taught The Five Love Languages on Saturday but, I was happy to learn, from the new 2013 version for the Military. And, she showed me her own book – had interviewed Gary Chapman and included them there, too, with his endorsement. One of the Mom’s had her children do the quiz to improve their family relationships.

    So, thank you for popping into my morning today and for sharing one of the most important and universal skills for expressing love.

    Love and blessings,
    Heather

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