Frustrated No More. The secret to peace + personal power.

Recently, I had lunch with a long-time friend.  The life chapters we have been through with one another make for a very rich, loving, and trusting relationship.  After nearly thirty years, she never fails to show up without some “pearl” to share.  Sometimes it’s the suggestion of a book, or a course to take or some new app that’s making her life easier but this particular day, she came with what turned out to be exactly what I needed…..a miracle that not only made my day……but helped me course correct on a situation that has been grinding it’s way through my life for several years now.

Being a mentor to some amazingly bright women, only makes me more aware of my own stuck places.  If I am expected to help others through theirs, then how can I turn my back on the gnarly parts of my own life in good conscience?  I can’t.  One of the things I do best is to reveal to my clients that I DON’T have all the answers.  What I do have is an insatiable desire to figure things out, to find down-to-earth solutions, to look for “the lesson” in every sticky wicket as if it were a gift to cherish and, finally… challenge my beliefs with compassion.

So, if you find yourself in a situation that seems to thwart all your best efforts, and more often than not,  you are becoming angry and frustrated over the same things—or when every attempt to “smooth things out” continues down a fractured path. there is an answer.  My friend, Vickie, shared the secret word with me in a series of collected thoughts about the true solution, which creates so much more personal peace and power while alleviating the debilitating and consuming effects of frustration.  When you read the following,  I’ll bet you might want to thank her too.  Here goes.

It’s called DETACHMENT.

Another way of saying it, is “unhooking” from the insanity of (1) doing things the same  way, expecting a different result or (2) doing things a different way and getting the same old non-result, or even (3) being exhaustively diplomatic while wanting to scream your head off, which leaves you feeling powerless, ineffective and full of fury…….

DETACHMENT is not about caring less.  It’s about caring more for my own serenity.

DETACHMENT involves paying attention to my own mood before dealing with someone else’s. What does another person’s mood, negativity, or care-less-ness have to do with MY own mood or action unless I choose to re-act?  I can simply hear or see someone else’s behavior without mirroring their attitudes or actions.  This knowledge allows me to let everyone, including myself, to feel whatever they feel without interference.

DETACHMENT allows me to focus on what I CAN DO about the situation, not on what “they” should have done or said.

DETACHMENT is not about putting up a wall.  It is about moving past the frustrations and creating a bridge to envision new and more personal solutions.

DETACHMENT is a commitment to hitting the “EASY” button.  When I can detach my mind and angst over a certain situation, my problem often solves itself.  The roar of blame and shame quiets.  The answer is quiet, calm and simple.

DETACHMENT reminds me that God helps those who do not try to take over his work.




2 Responses to “Frustrated No More. The secret to peace + personal power.”

  1. Peggy, your relentless devotion to excellence inside and outside continue to teach goodness with such artfulness. Thank you for being self-revelatory, silly and loving. My “should have’s” are generally pointed at myself. And that concept of “love yourself first” is so broad that it has no inspiration in it. I finally nailed it – just because I fall down, fail, procrastinate, get depressed, etc. doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me…I’m just on my path and learning as is meant to be!

  2. Carol says:

    My daughter was diagnosed just about every mental disorder there is several years ago, but the worst is bi-polar disorder. She’s tried to get a grip on it and finally trusts me to handle her manic episodes as best I can. It took the sort of detachment you’re speaking of, learning to accept she will continue to have them and detaching myself from blame as well as letting go of my desire to show her what I see as truth in any situation she’s angered by. Now I just give her the space to rant and my detachment actually works to cut her episodes down considerably. Mania needs fuel and I don’t provide it, but, wow, was that a hard won lesson!

    What I find difficult sometimes is carrying that wisdom into other aspects of life. I have a way of convincing myself another situation is different than the one with my daughter, but to me, detachment means giving up the need to be right. Once I remind myself it’s okay to be wrong, or admit I don’t know enough to right a wrong, I am able to find peace in direct observation without emotional investment. What sounds impossible, detaching from our own false investments, seems to be the only recourse to righting ourselves, the only people we can change in the first place.

    I read a lot about mindfulness and am sure the answer to finding that peaceful place on a full time basis would be blissful, but I don’t think I’ll get there in my lifetime. That’s okay too.

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