Baby, It’s OLD Outside!

OK…Full disclosure. I hit 65 this year. And when I say “hit”, I mean like a freight train.

Who knew I would need emergency heart surgery? And, then the other nine or so random surgeries that also seemed to need my full attention for the rest of last year. I’ve always thought every year sort of has a theme….”the year we moved”, “the year we got the puppies”, the year the house burned down (yes, there was one of those.)” For me, last year’s them was……..

“This is going to hurt!”

Before then, I could have sworn it was only a theme song….one that I danced to on Friday nights in junior high. I learned that every doctor has his/her own way of letting you know that you were about to ‘take one for the team’ One doc, I particularly liked, would preface his sticking and digging around on me with either, “Big Stick”, “Little Stick” or “Holy Shit”.He wasn’t kidding. It made me laugh in the face of the impending agony.

But, after all of that hoo-rah, I realize it’s still the little things that bug me the most.

# 1! At 65 I seem to have developed actual whiskers. Right on the corners of my chin. This does not happen to sustaining members of the Junior League. I used to see them on my grandmother when she would stand a certain way in the sunlight. I thought “yuck, pooie” then…and now. This was also about the time she got those little brown spots on the backs of her hands. To keep me quiet in church she would let me “connect the dots” with a bright blue pen to see what kind of shapes I could come up with. But I remember her tweezers. Right there amongst her cut glass jars with silver lids, in all her “lady things”….her weapon against aging. It’s the only time when I heard her come close to cursing….when she was tweezing and needing to wear a magnifying glass contraption over her glasses.

#2! I am just about up to here with the junk emails I get every day. The same people who sent me the letter from AARP, congratulating me on my eligibility for membership, just a few months after my 49th birthday…now have entered my name some kind of massive list. This year, they must have met in some sort of world congress and yelled, “GO!”

Even though I erase each one….after learning that “unsubscribe” does absolutely no good, they pop up every day like weeds in the cracks in my concrete driveway. Here’s a sample…so you whipper snappers will know what to look forward to….when “THEY” find you and decide YOU, TOO are…….OLD!

Awakening from Alzheimer’s
Funeral Insurance
Get around with Ease Mobility Scooter
Orthotic Knee Braces
Reverse Mortgage Search
Adult Diaper Solutions
Crepe Erase
Laser Fungus Removal
Live Happy
Nootropic Gum…the new “smart gum” from Dr.Oz
Affordable Luxury Walk-In Tub Outlet
Brain Strengthener
Dentures that Fit
Lasik Vision…And you thought it wasn’t affordable
Huge Discount on Cremation Costs

I am on THIS list. It’s SO ridiculous, it makes me laugh, right after it makes me mad and it makes me lean into my bathroom mirror to do the 4 finger face lift.

But, here’s the thing….it all just makes me realize how lucky I am. NONE of this applies to me….even after last year’s medical merry-go-round nightmare/miracle/recovery.

I have never felt more alive or vital to the human race. Without every experience, without every fall-down and get-up, without weathering every trial and terror or every treasured moment, I could not offer the kind of rich insights that comes with the patina honed by life itself.

The mentoring work I have been doing the last 13 or so years has never been more important. People have never needed more clarity in their lives about who they are and what matters most. And, now approximately 23,725 days later, I can share a thing or two about living and loving and working and feeling ready to take on the world…..once I check the chin and clear the inbox.

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